What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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