At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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