I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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