3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
