Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Boobs speak an international language.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
