Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
