I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
