No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
