R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
