I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
