hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
