kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am available for nakedness
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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