This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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