3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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