Im at strip club and am horny
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize