it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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