Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize