Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
