i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
