I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The adults are the big ones right?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
