If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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