1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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