But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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