she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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