Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
