O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
