Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
