not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize