I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize