Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize