Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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