He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
