God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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