okay pat passed out under dana's car
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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