guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
