I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
