direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
