my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
