The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
