my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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