i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Mom said you looked used
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize