I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
