at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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