I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize