Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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