I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
