he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
