The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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