If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize