i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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