Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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