Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize