I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize