hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
