i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
