Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
