I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
