she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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