i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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