I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize