He disabled his match.com account in front of me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
