Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
