I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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