I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
PANTIES FOUND
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