Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
