Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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