You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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