If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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