pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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